Consider
these…a test of sorts. Perhaps I’m crazy, but I feel it’s a necessity
to make sure your future spouse is OK with you doing… you know, human
things.
I say bah-humbug to people who think you
have to leave some mystery to the whole “woman” thing. You absolutely
must do these 10 things in front of your future spouse before marriage
to make sure he’s going to be the kind of guy you want to spend the rest
of your life with.
Trust me; if you decide to have children, these things WILL happen in front of your husband.
1. Cry your ugliest cry
I’m starting you out slow with something
you’ve probably already done in front of your mate. Crying in front of
him shows that you’re vulnerable and that you trust him to not take
advantage of your openness. If a guy doesn’t know how to handle tears,
you’re wise to rethink where your relationship stands.
2. Scream bloody murder
You’ve got to let it fly at least once
to make sure he can handle your power. Sometimes women are a little
hesitant to come across as angry, but why? We all get mad. We all reach a
breaking point where we lose our sh*t and just want to yell. Don’t stop
it the next time. To hell with being ladylike! Yell as loudly as you
need to and witness his reaction.
3. Go grocery shopping
Clothes shopping can be done on your own
if it bores your sweetie, but grocery shopping is a communal kind of
thing, which at some point you will end up doing together. You can learn
interesting things about people browsing groceries.
For example, if you like to read labels and compare prices, is your boyfriend trying to drag you on instead?
If you like movie theater butter popcorn
but he likes all natural, is he going to freak out? As you pick up that
box of Blonde Beauty hair dye, do his eyes bulge out of his face and
does he sputter, “You mean you’re not a natural blonde”?
4. Shave your legs in front of him
Imagine this scenario: you hop in the
shower and have only ten minutes before you have to run out the door.
Your husband comes into the bathroom in a rush, too. You’re planning on
wearing that cute new sundress and you need to shave your legs — stat.
But your husband. But your legs. Good
god! Grab the razor and shave away. Don’t worry; he knows you weren’t
born that way (well, OK, maybe you were born with smooth legs, but he
understands women have hair in places, too).
5. Let your pubic hair grow wild
Legs and armpits are one thing, but
bikini line? You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve got a small shower; I
have to squat for one side, hike my leg up and bend over strangely for
the other side. He’ll actually probably end up being impressed to the
lengths you go to be smooth.
Then there’s the other angle: let your
bush go wild for a while and see his reaction. If a guy can’t love the
real you then maybe he isn’t the right guy.
6. Vomit from sickness or too much tequila
This one you probably won’t be able to
stop even if you want to. Sometimes when I’m throwing up I really want
to be alone in my disgustingness, but sometimes I want someone to hold
my hair back just like Mom used to.
If you’re ever pregnant and have really
bad morning sickness, you will need help with barfing more than you
know. (And for those of us with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, you may even
need your husband to shoot anti-nausea meds into your thigh!)
7. Pee with the door open
I know I’m getting into squeamish
territory for some, but I’m afraid I have to go there. As long as you’re
marrying an adult, I can assure you that they know that you pee.
Do you really want to have to be closing
and opening the bathroom door every time you go in there? I mean, this
guy has obviously seen your vag!na (sorry for those who believe in
waiting to have s*x until after marriage; this essay isn’t for you!).
And, you know, he’s done things to you. So just get over your dainty
self.
8. Go number two
Yes, I recommend pooping in front of
your future spouse. It doesn’t have to be an event with tickets, but
maybe you just leave the door open a little the first time and then a
little more the next time. Why? Because, honey, this is just about the
least conscious you can be in front of someone.
The someone you (hopefully) will live
with until you die. Now, if you’ve ever helped care for a dying older
relative, you already know that this functioning can stop at a certain
point in time. And you do know that when you have a baby everything
isn’t very… neat.
I’m just saying. 9. Leave a bloody tampon in the garbage
Don’t judge. Even if he’s never had
anyone be this open ever before, if he’s going to be intimate with you,
he should really know how things actually work. This goes for changing
pads, too. Sometimes a man has to see those large amounts of blood to
really get what you go through.
And, of course, if you plan on having
children and he’s like most American men now, he will be watching the
birth of your children. He needs to be prepared.
10. Indulge in your secret habit — whatever it is!
You know, that thing that no one else in
the whole world knows about. Haven’t you been dying to share it with
someone? Now’s your chance to share something unexpected about you. It
might even be something silly like mine was.
When I was nursing my first child, I
picked up the habit of reading celebrity tabloids. I hid them when my
husband was around. I eventually told him and we had a good laugh about
how I thought he was going to judge me.
I guess that’s really the answer as to
why do all of these things: The longer you spend with someone, the more
it gets tough to hide things and the more you don’t want to pretend at
anything. You want to be the full you — woman and human — and know you
will still be loved, adult diapers and all. Source: Yourtango
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